Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i will never coherently bang her
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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