I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
