Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
