sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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