It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize