A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
