Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
