i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
