Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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