How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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