wrigley field is MILF paradise
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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