Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
