I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize