I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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