I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
