My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
