Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You ruined the universe
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
