I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
