I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
