Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize