Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
