and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I didn't shave. On purpose
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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