just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
