Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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