she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
