if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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