So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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