why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
