Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
