Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
