it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
