Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
