we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
