is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
