I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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