She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
