apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
