She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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