I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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