I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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