Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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