allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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