Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
