Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
