took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
