It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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