its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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