i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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