If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do herpes really smell.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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