I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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