you traded sex for a burrito?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
