Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize