Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
