I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
