I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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