Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
