Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this just has baby written all over it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
