He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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