Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's always time for handjobs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
