there's paper in my vomit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
