Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
