I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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