She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
