you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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