College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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