How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
