there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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