This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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