i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
