sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
