dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize