Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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